Beware of orange broccoli

Nyaaaaaaaa. That's right. You heard it. Nyaaaaaa. What did you say? You're having tough daily problems? Oh, well that's shitty. Nothing new though, c'mon be original! You could at least say something such as "Life is like a pretty bird. No doubts, just sex all day!" Well, that is only if you have a friendly bee by your side. Y'know, I have never understood that one expression. How the heck did they come up with "like the bees and birds" when explaining sex to a young child? That is my question to you. If you have a snarky reply please consent me with it.
Alright then, you've told me about your day. I'll tell you mine. I started the day out stubbing my toe against my dresser, just like I do every single morning of my life. My toe has become as hard as a rock, doesn't even hurt anymore. Well, except for the slight pressure and heavy weight on that side of my foot.
Then I go into my bathroom, and look at myself in the mirror. Once I'm done day dreaming about the green hairy attacking monster in the reflection, I take a shower.
I'm bored of telling you about my days. They're so problematic, just like how difficult it is to feed a dolphin veggie leftovers. You'd think they would love some home-made carrots and rotting broccoli, but apparently they'd rather chew off your arm than eat month old vegetables. I can't blame 'em one bit though.
How did dolphins come into mind again? Oh, that's right... you were telling me about how your most recent chocolate muffin had an orange worm in it. Well, I'm sorry. I really am, I had meant to dye the worm brown, just like the muffin, but somehow the dye got mixed up and it ended up being orange. I really wanted to save you the trouble of getting rabies by eating the muffin, but you still took a bite! I'm so sorry. Please beware of all chocolate muffins you eat in the future. It may save your life.